Sitting Sadly By Your Side

I first heard the song, “I Cannot Sit Sadly By Your Side,” by the Cowboy Junkies while I was listening to a story on NPR.  The group was being interviewed about a trip they took to China where they first heard this song and decided to create a version in English for their own album.

This song just hit me.  To me, it was the epitome of the struggles of Depression.  The lyrics not only embody the pain of the afflicted, but also of his/her loved one who is attempting to help them.  The sufferer no longer wants to “sit sadly by [his/her] side” and the other is slowly sinking into the dark sadness, while trying to help.

Depression is a battle and something that, unfortunately, the perfect “cure” has yet to be discovered.  I admire those who struggle daily with Depression and commend the friends and family who stay to help.

I have always felt that I best express myself through movement.  Movement seems to capture deeper emotions, hidden motives, and has universality to its message.

I decided that “some day” I would like to choreograph a piece that is a tribute to those affected by Depression and their loved ones set to the song, “I Cannot Sit Sadly By Your Side.”

This piece came to fruition after the creation of Stretch Dance Company.  Before we actually start to create performances, I wanted to have video examples that would embody the important elements of Stretch Dance Company: the caliber of performers and designers and the importance of the subject matter presented.  I decided that this was the right time to create the piece, Sitting Sadly By Your Side.

I finalized the piece concept and sought out dancers.  I actually found Chelsea and David while watching a performance at Chapman University.  (Just a side note, I truly recommend the dance program at Chapman University.)   I contacted them, hired them, and off we went.

We met, discussed the concept, had a few rehearsals, and filmed the piece at Simple Studio Lighting in Anaheim, CA.  The piece is now edited (link below).

I wanted to take this opportunity to dive into the details of the story concept to further understanding.

The most productive and meaningful way I choreograph is to start with a story.  The story and characters in the story are the most important portion of any piece that I choreograph.

Here is the story of Sitting Sadly By Your Side: (Please note, the following story might be too emotional or graphic for some.)

---

A young, newly married couple has been having trouble connecting.  He has always been the “tortured artist,” but has hid from her just how tortured he actually is.  Since they are now living together, he has trouble hiding these issues.  She loves him unconditionally and tries to help him the best way she knows how.  She encourages him, loves him, and patiently waits for him. 

He sees that his state of mind is not only destroying him, but is destroying the woman he loves so deeply.  He doesn’t know how to escape and seems to be slipping deeper and deeper.  He decides in order to save her, he must no longer be a part of her life.  He decides to end his life while she is at work.  He chooses to end his life by suffocation in their garage because it can be controlled and will cause him the least bodily harm, which is important, as he knows she will be the one who finds him.

She leaves for work and he sets out to see his plan through.  By some act of God, she comes home as she has forgotten something or had a “bad feeling.”  She finds him, rescues him, and takes him to a hospital where he is revitalized and saved, at least physically.

They return home and he leaves to be alone in their room.  This is the moment the dance piece begins.

She cautiously enters the room to attempt to console him.  She is willing to do whatever is necessary to help him.  He sees this and although he wishes to seek her comfort, he pushes her away hoping to force her to leave him. 

She is wrought with emotion and is caught in a flurry of pain, anger, concern, and fear.  No matter what he does to her, she keeps trying.  She believes they can get through this together.

She is exhausted, but still by his side.  Although he wants to push her away to save her from his pain, he sees that she has chosen to be with him and will be there no matter what.  He then turns to her for comfort allowing her to try to help him. 

In the end, they have each other.

Photography by Sara Ellison Photography

---

Although this piece is about pain and suffering, in the end, it is about hope and faith.  I am not suggesting a solution or remedy with this piece, but offer my appreciation to loving families and anyone who is suffering.

 

This story was very difficult to portray emotionally.  I feel so lucky to have been able to work with dancers and designers who had a mature and intellectual approach to this piece.  I hope you take time to watch the piece and thank you for reading.  Click here to watch.

The Rich Man's Frug

To say that Bob Fosse is my "choreographer idol" is a bit of an understatement.

I was first introduced to Mr. Fosse when my high school did a production of Sweet Charity.  From the first moment of belting behind that bar in “Big Spender” with my arm oddly wrapped around my back, I was hooked.  I even received a fabulous biography of Fosse as a wedding gift from one of my students.  I think that says it all.

I highly recommend this biography.  It is wonderfully written!

The main attribute of Fosse that inspires me the most is that he was able to take his perceived imperfections and shortcomings and turn them into his own dance style that is instantly recognizable: the turned out arms, turned in legs, question mark posture, hat... “yeah” ‘cue jazz hands.’  I will say for the record, that although Fosse did not think much of his dancing, I respectfully disagree, see video. 

While watching our production of Anything Goes, the drama director for the Trabuco Hills High School drama department and I started brainstorming about “next year.”  Somehow we landed on a “Fosse show,” which is no mystery as we are both fans.  We continued to brainstorm and came to Sweet Charity as it had the right amount of cast members, great music, didn’t center on murder (not appropriate for a high school production…Chicago), and was a show we both loved. 

As we continued to brainstorm, we decided to have the choreography be as close to the original choreography as possible.  I was in heaven!  I don’t remember if I thought for awhile, if at all, that I was going to be attempting to recreate professional choreography on high school students, who, on average, had little to no dance experience.  The original choreography needed to be done and that was that. 

"The Rich Man’s Frug” was the ultimate challenge.  A 6 minute, extremely complicated, intricate dance with 22 dancers.  We tackled that dance head on from the hair twirls, tuxedoes, high heels, and even the cigarettes (which weren’t real as we reassured the audience at the beginning of every performance). 

I owe the success to those dancers.  I sat them down before we began rehearsals and showed them a video from the film, Sweet Charity.  I told them that we would be attempting to recreate the dance without changing anything except for perhaps some formations as we were performing on stage rather than for film.  I’ll never forget the dancer’s face who was to play the “lady in the white gloves.”  “That is supposed to be me?” she asked timidly.  “Yep!”   “Oh no…(long pause) OK!”

I told the dancers it was going to be a long, difficult process, but if they were on board, I had all the faith in the world that they could do it.  We all determined together then and there that "The Rich Man’s Frug” would be done the right way. 

Our rehearsals were very structured and aimed at giving students the best understanding of the day’s goals as possible.  I had diagrams and choreography printed out for each dancer.  To give you an idea of what I mean, I have included some pictures of my crude, but effective illustrations from the section of the dance entitled the "Aloof".  ("The Rich Man's Frug" consisted of three sections: the "Aloof," the "Heavyweight," and the "Big Finish.")  

The opening formation in the "Aloof"  

(Fun Fact: A colored in, stick-figure head means they are looking away from the audience.)

A formation also from the "Aloof"

For a little background information:  Musical rehearsals at THHS lasted from about 3pm-5pm every weekday.  I was usually there 3 days a week.  Each dance, that was about 3 minutes long, would take between two to three rehearsals to teach.  These standard parameters were not the case for Sweet Charity.

For “The Rich Man’s Frug” alone, we spent 36 hours learning and perfecting.  (This does not include my time choreographing and learning the dance myself.)  I have never seen so much dedication, hard work, and determination.  This required our rehearsals to be every day, often lasting until 6pm...or longer.  By the end, these students knew this dance so well that they would inform instrumentalists playing in the pit if he/she forgot to do something or made a mistake.  To this day I’m sure they can still hum "The Rich Man’s Frug” as I catch myself and my husband humming it from time to time.    

The success and importance of the production was paramount to me and was the same for those students.  They became professionals, always on time, warmed up, practiced, and in the correct attire.  Did I mention I was in heaven?  I think I already did.  Even the director would move his blocking rehearsals to accommodate these rehearsals. 

The result was worth the extra time and effort and I feel truly blessed to have been a part of that production.  Did I mention that I also split the responsibility of vocal director with the conductor and was planning my wedding all at the same time?!  That was a good year!

To view the final product of "The Rich Man’s Frug,” check out the video!