I first heard the song, “I Cannot Sit Sadly By Your Side,”
by the Cowboy Junkies while I was listening to a story on NPR. The group was being interviewed about a
trip they took to China where they first heard this song and decided to create
a version in English for their own album.
This song just hit me.
To me, it was the epitome of the struggles of Depression. The lyrics not only embody the pain of
the afflicted, but also of his/her loved one who is attempting to help them. The sufferer no longer wants to “sit
sadly by [his/her] side” and the other is slowly sinking into the dark sadness,
while trying to help.
Depression is a battle and something that, unfortunately,
the perfect “cure” has yet to be discovered. I admire those who struggle daily with Depression and
commend the friends and family who stay to help.
I have always felt that I best express myself through
movement. Movement seems to
capture deeper emotions, hidden motives, and has universality to its message.
I decided that “some day” I would like to choreograph a
piece that is a tribute to those affected by Depression and their loved ones
set to the song, “I Cannot Sit Sadly By Your Side.”
This piece came to fruition after the creation of Stretch
Dance Company. Before we actually
start to create performances, I wanted to have video examples that would embody
the important elements of Stretch Dance Company: the caliber of performers and
designers and the importance of the subject matter presented. I decided that this was the right time
to create the piece, Sitting Sadly By Your Side.
I finalized the piece concept and sought out dancers. I actually found Chelsea and David
while watching a performance at Chapman University. (Just a side note, I truly recommend the dance program at
Chapman University.) I
contacted them, hired them, and off we went.
We met, discussed the concept, had a few rehearsals, and
filmed the piece at Simple Studio Lighting in Anaheim, CA. The piece is now edited (link below).
I wanted to take this opportunity to dive into the details
of the story concept to further understanding.
The most productive and meaningful way I choreograph is to
start with a story. The story and
characters in the story are the most important portion of any piece that I
choreograph.
Here is the story of Sitting Sadly By Your Side: (Please note, the following story might be too
emotional or graphic for some.)
A young, newly married couple has been having trouble connecting. He has always been the “tortured artist,” but has hid from her just how tortured he actually is. Since they are now living together, he has trouble hiding these issues. She loves him unconditionally and tries to help him the best way she knows how. She encourages him, loves him, and patiently waits for him.
He sees that his state of mind is not only destroying him,
but is destroying the woman he loves so deeply. He doesn’t know how to escape and seems to be slipping
deeper and deeper. He decides in order
to save her, he must no longer be a part of her life. He decides to end his life while she is at work. He chooses to end his life by
suffocation in their garage because it can be controlled and will cause him the
least bodily harm, which is important, as he knows she will be the one who
finds him.
She leaves for work and he sets out to see his plan
through. By some act of God, she
comes home as she has forgotten something or had a “bad feeling.” She finds him, rescues him, and takes
him to a hospital where he is revitalized and saved, at least physically.
They return home and he leaves to be alone in their
room. This is the moment the dance piece
begins.
She cautiously enters the room to attempt to console
him. She is willing to do whatever
is necessary to help him. He sees
this and although he wishes to seek her comfort, he pushes her away hoping to
force her to leave him.
She is wrought with emotion and is caught in a flurry of
pain, anger, concern, and fear. No
matter what he does to her, she keeps trying. She believes they can get through this together.
She is exhausted, but still by his side. Although he wants to push her away to
save her from his pain, he sees that she has chosen to be with him and will be
there no matter what. He then turns
to her for comfort allowing her to try to help him.
In the end, they have each other.
Photography by Sara Ellison Photography
Although this piece is about pain and suffering, in the end,
it is about hope and faith. I am
not suggesting a solution or remedy with this piece, but offer my appreciation
to loving families and anyone who is suffering.
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